"Jaded"

That's how I feel right now jaded. My face is turned to stone my eyes dull and cool. I personally thought I was hurt enough with trystan......guess not. " I will never hurt you, I need you in my life.........I love you. Everyday I love you. I felt safe, like this was it for me. Things were good. Then the lies started. back in may Cliff/Creag/Bricc created another account an alt to go back to the mental case he so admantly sweared he would never do. Now thats not the kicker here. He created an entire story about his wife catching some nasty disease ( I was grossed out when I hear it, I mean how do people catch such things? He had to be with her, then it was my wife feels neglected, and the best part, my wife says I spend too much money on the game i need to take a break. Personally I thought well calm the spending and tell her to chill. All lies, a front to spend time with the living dead, I says this cause she faked her own death the day after we were sl married. That was choice, dellusional wench. Couldnt be a man and be truthful, thats too hard. Had to be well what he is a fairy. Why tell me to wait for him why the false hope? Maybe he wanted us both? Isnt that just like a man? Now when they say I love I would never hurt i will think of him and laugh in their face. And yes he has been replaced, this is me you are talking about here there are at least 3 waiting in the background...hm I think 4 now I forget. Good luck Boss, cause you will need it. I am not taking you back when she shits on your feelings again. Two lying dishonest mental cases match made in pixel heaven I say.
I am going to post his blog. He deleted it after people caught wind of his shit and left messages. I mean we cant do something wrong and get caught on it unheard of. We must think we are important and people love us. Well the ones that count dont love you anymore. I also have a comment on there from a sim owner who called a spade a spade and he closed down his blog because of it. Oh dear how will he exist if he cant tell people every sickening detail. What will he without his false sense of importance?

Frog Soup

Some things are painful right away. Some hurt a little over a long time. Sometimes it's like the boiled frog story.

You know the story: put a frog in boiling water, it'll jump out; put it in cold water, heat it gradually, it'll just sit there until it boils to death. Turns out the story's ?
not true, and eventually the poor frog will try to escape if it can. Some might see this as invalidating the metaphor, but personally I think it's evidence that frogs are ?
smarter than people. Most people will just sit there, getting a little more uncomfortable, a little more, a little more, until finally they are truly in hot water and nothing ?
can be done about it.

I have a wife, RL, whom I truly love more than life itself. If her life were in danger and I could save her by giving mine, I'd not think twice. Hell, I'd not think ONCE about ?
it, I'd give mine for hers out of sheer twitch reflex, like a frog jumping out of boiling water. But if the water's not boiling? If it's nice and comfy when I get in, and only ?
warms a tiny bit, little by little?

Recently my water got turned up a little faster than it had been. My wife had a health problem, not life-threatening, but something that COULD have been. It got me to thinking ?
of things I seldom think of... and it scared me. Losing her. If I lost her... I'm not sure I'd have any reason to go on with life, other than sheer inertia. She is the reason ?
I get up in the morning, the reason I go to work, the reason I do anything but sit and stare and wait to die. You may think I exaggerate, but I had an uncle who lost his wife ?
and essentially did just that. After she passed away, he bought enough Coors beer to fill a room in his house, floor to ceiling, wall to wall, and began drinking it. A year ?
later, he'd finished about a third of it, and he was dead.

I'd probably pick something I like better than Coors, but really, that's about where I'd see myself if I lost her. So when it hit me that I'm not spending very much time with ?
her, that I have, little by little, become more involved with some of the people in Second Life than with my own wife, it made me jump. She and I have both grown accustomed to ?
it, it's happened gradually, but I'm already losing her in a sense. And if that happens, I'll have lost myself, too.

And on that... I did something I never thought I'd do. I left Magdalenamarie.

I feel like the king of the creeps. She's been nothing but good to me, even doing things in SL (like playing a Fae character) that I know her heart is not in, just to make me ?
happy. She's been caring, and attentive, and understanding... and she's been, little by little, moving into the emotional space in my heart where my RL wife belongs. But she's ?
not her, never can be her, and it's like replacing food that's nutritious with food that's just filling. No matter how much you like it, even love it, eventually you'll starve ?
to death with a full stomach.

I can't put my heart into the game that way any more. I love my WIFE and need to keep my eyes on that, or my heart will starve. Call me horrible, hate me if you will, I know ?
you won't be alone. I still had to do it. I had to jump out of the water before it got too hot, before my heart moved too far from my wife or I did something that pushed hers ?
away from me, and I became just another pot of frog soup.

I'll be back in SL. I'll play my roles, and hang out with friends, and do much of what I've done all along. But I'm not getting married in the game again, and I'm not going to ?
promise away parts of me that properly belong in RL, and I'm going to try very, very hard to not ever let the water get that hot again.

It makes me jumpy.


...............................................Hispa comment...................................................



Dear Creag,
Nice words, did you had a lot of though before you wrote all this magnificent monolog?
A while ago, we had a talk you and me, about love and SL, about your RL marriage, about SL sex and feelings..and I warned you about a few things...can you recall that ?
conversation? After reading i think back to that moment, and right now i could say "I told you so" but i wont...you know why? because I realize this bull you just wrote is ?
just an excuse to be politicaly correct.
Don´t get me wrong, i do not doubt about your love for your rl wife...mmmm...I do beleive you make it more honorable then it realy is tho, and I surely not beleive your love ?
for Magdalena either. You want to know why?
First of all because your eternal and so poeticly described love for your wife would not make you spend your time in sl the way you do, and because that suposly love for magda ?
would never make you deceive her the way you did and with who you did it with.
This beautiful monolog of yours is just an excuse to get rid of magda and get back to the mental one.
And now i am so very much surprised that you cannot see what is going to be next.....I almost pitty you....
You see...Jennidia already commited RL suicide to call for your attention the first time you got fed up with her. This trick she pulled on you (and that you forgot that ?
easely) wont work the second time you will get fed up again....nop...because i can assure you, you will get fed up of this mental case called woman. So....what will be her ?
next trick if she knows you wont buy a second attempt? maybe a real one...nop..she is not a suicidal type, she is more the revenge one...she will call your RL wife.....wanna ?
bet?
Can you recall what she once said on her blog? about destroying Argoth? guess what...Jennidia alias Aranel did. Surprised? Hispa smiles...oh man...you gonna get so many more ?
surprise you gona wish you never put foot on sl.

Can i give you a word of advice? If you cant handel the water temperature, dont get into the water, and if you think you can, then stick to it like a big boy. Be a man at ?
least. Be straigh and tell them the way you think and feel, with no false excuses and violins on the background.
My personal opinion is that you are loosing control and soon you will be in big trouble, because with Jennidia, the excuse of the loving wife been sick at home and you realise ?
you love her above all is not gona work. Next thing you will be carring the drama you had always carred in SL to your RL home.
Times puts everybody into place and i think yours is the boiling water. Soon there will be no frog but but a steamy schrinked Amphibian skin in the pan.

Hispa